The sun will be high (it will eat some edibles.)
The sky will be blue (because the sun won’t share!)
The day will be long, 26 hours somehow (well not somehow, a murder of Celtic druids will open a portal and the fabric of space and time shrug, not really caring, but the shrug will be so epic it will roll two hours off of a Sunday in May and balance has to be restored)
It will be a time ripe with rancor. (That part is true.)

And there on the horizon will come an image so intense, so revered, so fucked up you will know immediately that joy has a price and on that day your toll was due your ticket.
T’will be Swordfish fish! (Swordfish fish!) He’s no tuna fish… Obviously Tuna is a fish Unnecessary wordage! But this is not the case with swordfish fish. I mean if your fish has a sword you need to know that!

(Is he alone?)
NO! Soon he will be joined by his buds, friends, amigos, band of brothers, dudes he once circle jerked with in college!

There to his left: a beast of a beast. Broader than any walking form has the right to be But she has no rights for she has a weapon and does as she pleases, and pleased she rarely is. This bovine is nearly divine. It’s Machete Cow! (Machete Cow!)

To swordfish fish’s right will be another creature you’d feature in films horrific. Eyes too smart for their sockets, muscles ripped, corded and oddly delicious. A snout you’d never doubt. He is: Pig with weapons (Pig with weapons)

This trio is terror! And that terror has come to terrify! With a barely noticeable nod from Swordfish fish off they march to decimate LA. (Only one tenth of it. But it’s enough. )

Swordfish Fish, the legend the myth
Is coming to your town.
Swordfish Fish, the legend the myth
Is coming to cut you down!

The slaughter is real. They start at the port and no one will care because only poor people live there so fuck them for being poor! They deserve the carnage! But then they’ll hit downtown! Wait. We like DTLA. (They can’t do this! We have starbucks there!) Stop the rampage swordfish fish! Pershing square: a blood bath. The national guard won’t help the music center! The Dorothy Chandler pavilion… those three perfect chandeliers glisten with gore. (weeps)

Echo Park: a fountain of remorse. Red hill: actually red again, as blood seeps over horizontal fencing

Wait not Silver Lake!! We closed all the sex clubs and opened Yoga studios! We’re good now! Not Intellegencia! (Single pour no more)
(Where are they headed, why are they headed, what are they headed!)

What do you want swordfish fish! What will sate you machete cow? We question your cravings Pig with weapons! In Hollywood, bodies of tourists and actors dressed up like more famous actors will litter the walk of fame. Swordfish fish will stop. Was this his purpose to kill cosplay at its source? No… he grabs a map to the stars. (NO!) Not a real celebrity! Don’t kill the life-blood of America! Do you hate America swordfish fish? Yet you embody all we hold dear! OH GOD he’ll head to Beverly Hills!

Rodeo drive: a rodeo or guts and intestines. Cut, cleaved, carved and catered carrion will cover mansions, estates and homes akin to compounds… (because obviously a single family needs that much room!)

Machete cow will catch a new scent and run! Pig with weapons joins, destination known! Swordfish fish will smile. (We did not know he could smile!) It’s a terrifyingly terrible and tremendously type of smile.

No! Say it isn’t happening! Locked on target! This can’t be real! They’ll surround the home of Pamela Anderson! No! Not Pam! Anyone but Pam!

Swordfish Fish, the legend the myth
Is coming to your town.
Swordfish Fish, the legend the myth
Is coming to cut you down!

The chase will be furious but short. Pamela Anderson will scream…I could graphically explain in vivid detail of her demise but I’m not a fan of violence towards women so I’ll just say: it will be bad.

As she lay and lie there her last breaths looking up at Swordfish fish, she’ll utter, in Canadian, “Wh.. why? I’m anti-fur. Vegan. I stand for Peta!”

“We know!” Machete cow moos!
“Yea!” Pig with weapons oinks, “This is for taking us out of the food chain!” AHHHHH!

Swordfish fish says nothing as the bombshell dies. He dips into Pamela Anderson’s blood and wipes a single line below his dorsal fin. He’s just that cool.

The wind will stir (with a straw that kills turtles.)
The horizon turns red (the universe mourning Pam or perhaps reflection of light in atmospheric particles or maybe just Pam)
The moon will shine drunk as fuck (what?)


Pig with weapons nods. Machete cow smirks. Swordfish fish will remain silent, but in that silence will be millions of words, none of them making a sentence but all combined into one cohesive thought: some things need dying.

Swordfish Fish, the legend the myth
Is coming to your town.
Swordfish Fish, the legend the myth
Is coming to cut you down!
Is coming to cut you down!